What's important to online daters?

We recently completed a survey of our FindSomeone members to find out what’s important to Kiwi singles.

The survey was all about giving us an insight into our members and some of the dos and don’ts of the dating scene in New Zealand.

As always it was obvious that men are from Mars and women are from Venus - there were some big differences between the sexes and their dating prefences.

Some of what we found out does seem like common sense, like  not suggesting sex on the first date, but these are traps that single folk fall into regularly.

We've just kicked off our summer 'Bootcamp for Better Dating’, it’s a four-week programme designed by relationship expert John Aiken that gives single New Zealanders around the country practical advice on how to get their love life in shape.

The Survey

A selection of the survey results are below. We also had a chat to the Sunday Star Times about New Zealand's online dating scene.

Survey participant demographics:

  • 881 respondents
  • All FindSomeone members
  • 60% female; 40% male
  • 56% aged between 35 – 54yrs.

What our members are looking for from their FindSomeone membership:

  • Over 90% of our members are using the site to find either a long term relationship or friendship that may develop into a long term relationship.
  • Men and women were very similar in their responses, with ‘Casual sex’ rating the lowest for both men and women (Just 2% of men stated this as their main reason for using the site, and less than 1% of women stated it).

The 3 most important factors when choosing a partner:

  • Rated most highly was physical attraction, followed by sense of humour, and then intellectual compatibility. 
  • Kindness, emotional intelligence and mutual interests also rated highly.
  • Men vs women:

    Women consider a potential partner’s financial status, sense of humour and emotional intelligence to be significantly more important than men do.

    On the other hand, men think sexual compatibility and mutual interests are much more important when choosing a partner, than women do.

The 3 most ‘datable’ occupations:

  • Rated most highly were Tradesmen, teachers and farmers. However, the majority of participants (63%) felt that someone’s occupation would have no influence on how datable someone is. 
  • Unsurprisingly, politicians rated the least datable
  • Men vs Women:

    Men rated Nurses as the most datable occupation, followed by teachers and then by personal assistants. 

    Women rated Tradesmen as the most datable occupation, followed by farmers and then by artists/creatives. Interestingly, women rate IT/techies equal to doctors.

Who should pay on a first date:

  • Men think men should pay! (33% of men stated this, followed by 28% thinking half each is more appropriate). Only 2 men who took part in the survey felt that the woman should pay.
  • Women think paying half each is the way to go, with almost half of the participants stating this. Less than a quarter of women felt that men should pay (17.83%) and no female participants felt that the woman should pay!

The most off-putting thing someone can do on a first date:

  • For men: Constantly checking your phone is the worst thing a woman can do on a first date, according to 56% of our male participants!
  • For women: Suggesting sex is the worst thing a man on a first date according to 53% of our female participants! (Interestingly, this behaviour rated the least negatively for our male participants) 
  • Talking about your ex is also really off-putting with almost 40% of people rating this negatively.

The number of minutes it takes to decide whether you want a second date:

  • 43% of participants take 15 minutes or less to decide whether or not they want a second date. Clearly first impressions count.
  • 57% decide within the first hour.
  • Men vs Women:

    It appears that men are quicker to make up their minds, with ‘within the first 15 minutes’ rating most highly, compared to women, who rated ‘within the first hour’ most highly.

How long should you wait before having sex?

  • Kiwis are a shy bunch and 34% of participants chose not to answer this question. 
  • 21% felt that after the third date is appropriate (this was the highest rated answer for both men and women
  • 10% of men felt it was fine after the first date, compared to just 4% of women.

How happy are single people?

  • It seems that single people are a relatively happy bunch, with 53% claiming to be ‘moderately happy most of the time’ and 37% feeling ‘very happy most of the time’. 
  • Men vs Women:

    Single women express higher levels of happiness than single males, with 41% of women claiming to be very happy most of the time, compared to 30% of men.

Does being in a long term relationship make you happier?

  • Over half of our participants think they’ll definitely be happier when they find someone to be in a long term relationship with. 42% think that they may be happier, and just 4% don’t think they’d be any happier. 
  • Men vs Women:

    Men believe that a relationship will make them happier, significantly more so than women do. (56% of men believe this, compared to 47% of women).

Does casual sex make you happier?

  • Almost half (46%) of our male participants felt that casual sex might make them happier, compared to just 12% of women who felt this way.